I don’t tend to use this blog at the moment, but am making very occasional visits, so that they don’t close my account down due to inactivity!!! I am more active on: www.paulablogaboutnothing.blogspot.com - and more active still on Facebook – but what’s new there??? I’m even worse since I got the Netbook (birthday pressie)…x
I don’t currently use this blog, so please see: www.quagan.blogspot.com or http://paulapuddephatt.tripod.com/poetry instead.
I do seem to be, don’t I?
Been updating www.paulapoems.blogspot.com…
The screen on blog.com is going weird…
I’ll come back another time – OK? xxx
Hello! Well, I felt sick this morning and thought that I was going to be sick, but then I made it to the bathroom and I was okay, after all. Now it’s just the usual tummy thing, and this horrible depression.
I am reading “The Bell Jar”, Sylvia Plath’s novel. I hardly ever read novels now, but am able to concentrate on approximately a chapter per “sitting”, and I’m finding it a very worthwhile read. I love Sylvia. Maybe I’m slightly unhealthily obsessed by Sylvia, but so be it. She was such a talented writer. It really comes through in the language used in her novel that she is a poet, first and foremost, writing a novel. Hey, and she used a really cool word that I’m sure she made up: “screak”. That sounds like a cross between scream and creak – wonderful!!! Her main character (heroine?), Esther, came up with something which I’ve just thought through. With reference to the character, Jay Cee – Esther mentions something about being a famous writer called EE Gee. Well, I just worked it out. In that language, how does Paula Puddephatt (or even Plimsoll, my maiden name) work out? Oooooops!!! Still, there is plenty that I am able to relate to on a much deeper level, but I don’t think I’ll go there right now. If I go there, I might not return, as it were!!!!!!!!
I have to get up eventually to feed and water the birds. I always do, in the end. But it’s hard. So hard. It’s also difficult to express my feelings about this depressive state without coming across as self-indulgent.
But I rather imagine that I’m talking to myself, anyway. If I don’t mention that I’ve updated my blog on Twitter or Facebook then the chances of anyone at all reading it…Probably just as well! I just feel desperate but I don’t have anyone I can be desperate to right now. Colin’s at Birdworld (wanted to go myself but couldn’t), and he’s had enough already, anyway. I am trying to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, as far as I possibly can – but I need someone to talk to – so it’s The Samaritans or Mr. Blog That No-one Reads Anyway…
Got problems with my IBS, too. Think I’ve overdone the Imodium again – lovely subject, eh???
More tea??? (Big sorry to my LDS friends, but…)
I feel so low on motivation, so very low in terms of my mood and self-image, and not good physically either (IBS, etc).
I can get to the computer now (new location) without “brushing” anything (OCD thing – kind of involved…) But that does mean I just do a blog post or go on FB or whatever, and then go back to bed – if you’re lucky, with a cup of tea. I made myself have two slices of bread and butter – couldn’t be bothered to toast them – but I did manage to have a pear too, which is positive.
I don’t know if anyone ever reads my blog. I’m half convinced that my public blog posts are less likely to get read than a paper diary that I leave out on a table, looking all private and tempting. My mum used to regularly read the diary that I kept as a teenager. Oh yes, I left it open on the bed, on the exact page…Yeah, right!!!
Right, more tea?????
and it’s getting harder to hide the fact or to carry on.
I do try. I even managed to get to the hairdressers today, and now I have beautiful hair, but I’m still depressed and on the edge, as well as physically not great with my IBS etc, and Imodium habit…
I am currently staying at Colin’s dad’s for a few days – so I have internet access again!!! Hope to be back online at home soon-ish.
My blogs are kind of “on hold”, but I will come back to them all, or at least, I plan to…
Love and peace to all of my friends and family. Don’t forget to check out my poetry site, which I still occasionally update (mainly at Basingstoke Library these days!) See http://paulapuddephatt.tripod.com/poetry.
I will try to update my Google/Blogspot blogs next. I might post on the Quagan poet one in a while – see how I get on!!!
Regarding yesterday’s post: Facebook status updates were displaying after all, just telling me that they weren’t for some reason!
Still got problems with my Flickr log-in, though…
My tummy took a turn for the worse again. I had to cancel this afternoon’s appointment at the hairdressers. Due to try again Friday afternoon – can’t give up – but just feel so frustrated sometimes!
Sparkey is settling into the new cage (if it still counts as “new” – took so long to get this far with it…) Hopefully the cockatiels will join him soon.
More from me soon, hopefully. Love to you all! xxx
